If you can’t check at least 6 boxes off of this list, then you probably aren’t a writer. The funny thing is, if there isn’t at least one that you don’t follow, you also probably aren’t a writer. We’re eccentric, even in our own circles.
Forgetting to eat:
This is probably the most common one across the board. You get on a roll with your writing and look up to realize that you’ve been writing for eight hours straight, your coffee is cold, and you are about to starve to death. Tip: microwave noodles and tacquitos are the MREs of the writing trenches.
Everything you write is horrible. Every negative piece of feedback is crippling. Every positive piece of feedback is a lie, because everything you write is the worst thing ever. You are jealous of other authors’ writing, and they are likely jealous of your writing. Tip – keep writing garbage, and see who likes it. You are not a good judge of your own prose.
Talking to yourself:
Perhaps one reason you seldom see them in public. Quirky behavior doesn’t stop at the mouth. A writer will talk to themselves. When they are out their keyboard, they will burst out in sudden bouts of laughter, either happy or maniacal, show sudden symptoms of depression, and at some point, will start mumbling to themselves, often in criticism of their own work. Pro-tip: try to curb this habit by limiting it to your car or your writing nook, or find a dark sound-proof room. If you catch someone staring, just look up and say, “it’s okay, I’m a writer.”
Even when they are out in public (which is not a comfortable environment for a writer), they shy away from people and groups. Over time, you get lost in your stories and realize that you have absolutely nothing to talk about with other people, because you’re focused on your book. When you do speak, somehow awkward questions come up, like how to strangle a person without leaving a mark, or the most effective torture spot for a knife wound. Tip: sometimes it’s just better to listen.
You get your best stuff immediately after the time you’ve set to lay down and sleep. Every time, without exception, and end up scrolling until early morning. Tip – jot the ideas in a notebook, so they aren’t forgotten, and try to sleep. If that doesn’t work, just stay up so that you will be doubly worn out the next night.
Everything that isn’t writing related is annoying:
Nobody likes paying bills, but as writers, anything that detracts from writing time is incredibly frustrating. Going to the bathroom is a chore. Sci-fi writers get their best ideas by coming up with tech that would remove these hassles of daily life forever. Can’t the world just leave me alone, and let me write? And don’t get me started on being social. Tip – Do the annoying stuff as soon as possible, then go back to writing. Or get a big scary dog that’s trained to kill anyone who interrupts your writing time.
I’m not going to admit to writing in my PJs, mostly because I don’t wear PJs. A lot of writers roll out of bed and start writing, which includes forgetting to change out of their sleeping clothes. Pro tip – This is actually a horrible practice. Try dressing “for work” for one week, and see if it helps your writing. If it doesn’t, go right back to the PJs.
Doesn’t exist. Taking a shower, shaving, brushing your teeth. That’s a scam that keeps normal people from writing. Messy hair and interesting smells are the mark of a writer. You may also notice long fingernails and mismatched clothing. Lack of shaving is another symptom. Pro-tip: try to make hygiene a regular thing. At least once a week, change clothes, wash off the grime, shave, etc. Coffee is really bad for teeth, so if you can, do that more often than anything else.
Never found without a Laptop:
Laptop, notebook, pens being used as hairpins; these are the mark of a writer. Every so often you will even see that one rare breed, who will drag a typewriter to the coffee shop, which serves two purposes. 1: It’s the preferred tool of choice. 2: It annoys the other customers so they will leave, and you can be alone with your coffee. Tip – a regular notebook is mostly ignorable in public, and you can still get your ideas down.
Coffee isn’t necessarily a love or passion, it’s a requirement. It’s writing fuel. We NEED it, or the veins in our foreheads will pop. It’s an unhealthy habit, and we know that, but we need it. Pro tip – start the day with a LOT of water to make up for the ensuing dehydration
Did I miss anything? How many boxes did you check off?